Do not know if you have such an experience:
- Obviously you want to talk with your lover, but soon you are overwhelmed by anger and you can’t talk calmly.
- Obviously you want to be patient with your child, but the children always challenge your limits so that you can’t help but get angry.
- Obviously you want to get along well with your friends, but you always feel that the other person is deliberately targeting yourself, so that you have to doubt the motivation of the other person;
After this, you may blame yourself and feel that you have not calmly dealt with the problem; you may also be particularly angry and think that others will oppress it.
You know that this is very bad, but inevitably it is inevitably hit by emotions and becomes a person who loses reason at certain times.
Many people attribute this to emotional problems, or feel that they are too impulsive, insecure, lack emotional control, and so on.
In fact, this is a manifestation of the lack of love. You are eager to love and be loved, but whether it is past or reality, you receive only harm from any relationship, so what you give back to others will only hurt.
How bad will the relationship be without the ability to love?
One of my case smiles is a girl like this. She knows a lot of positive truths, tries hard to make herself positive, and also sincerely treats people sincerely, but there is a feeling that it is not like the relationship with everyone. Intimate, others close to her, she can not be close to others.
Even if she took care of the feelings of everyone around her very meticulously, she always became the one who was neglected at many crucial moments. When she feels that she always considers the needs of others, but others do not consider their own needs, anger comes out.
She is very persistent in thinking that she has done a good job, but others are deliberately neglecting themselves as having problems. The more neglected she is, the more she wants to work hard to gain the attention of others, so it seems that she is considering for everyone. In fact, she always hopes to control others.
When a person wants to love, but does not have the ability to love, the relationship is only left to control. The most obvious characteristic of a controlled relationship is that I think I am doing the right thing and you should change your wrong approach.
In a controlled relationship, you may love people in many ways, such as using money, using threats, and paying, but not only love. This kind of control always fails.
Even if you seem to be struggling to love, but in fact you do not know how to use love to get along with another person, how to stay with each other in life.
When you read and understand the control of relationships, many people do not have to suffer for love. If you long for love in your relationship, but you are not fully loved, perhaps what you show is not what you are looking forward to. The other person you see is not what it is.
The lack of ability to love is not a problem that cannot be improved. The biggest problem is that we exchange control for love, and we stubbornly believe that what we do is the most correct thing. We must ask the other party to become what we think is the best. The relationship will become extremely bad.
Satisfaction in the unsatisfiable relationship is the source of many human suffering
In a relationship, when one part of you needs to be satisfied, you often want the other person to meet the rest of your own. However, satisfaction is not at any moment.
There will always be times when you will call it day by day and call it hard. You are like a child who is in love, standing in the center of the universe and calling for love. This psychological retreat seems very bad, but it is the premise that the heart becomes more stable.
If you were in the past, you were eager but couldn’t get it. To resist the abandonment of the fear that the nurtured person abandoned, you would suppress your own needs and think it was shameful.
Today, you are still eager to get it, but in this new relationship, you often have new opportunities to fully understand your own disappointment, and you also have the ability to determine their situation more mature.
Compared with the past, you face the same is not met; but unlike the past, in today’s relationship, you have the ability to choose.
When you are selective in a relationship, you do not necessarily leave, and you may be left behind because you accept some responsibilities. At this time, even if you feel bound, your heart is free because it is your choice.
When you don’t think of despair as just an injury, despair will give you a powerful force to start growing yourself again. Your free space in this relationship will quickly expand. You begin to learn to take care of yourself and begin to develop your ability to be comfortable in areas where the relationship is desperate.
You will gradually find that you can survive in an unsatisfied relationship. Not ending with disappointment ends, but before you make the choice of ending relationships, you can also make many choices to determine the comfort of the relationship.
At this time, in the relationship, you are no longer a kid with no power.
No matter what the ultimate result of this relationship will be, this process of being uncomfortable and responsible in the relationship will make you fall into the predicament of helplessness in relationships as always.
You feel stronger and more confident, and you finally find a feeling that “the relationship is not someone else’s.”
This new experience has actually begun to help you unwittingly modify the template in all relationships.
In this way, even if a relationship makes you very disappointed, you can thus gain the most important growth in your life.
The Truth About Relationships: You Can’t Get What You Can’t Give
If you haven’t been loved well, you will eventually meet someone and give you some scarce gratification so that you can produce enough love. Into such love, you seem to be tied to a safety rope.
Then, you will meet with disappointment. At this time, you are like being thrown into the air by him. He will not pull you up. It is also difficult for you to cut off the rope. (You can’t control your own heart)
You may need to struggle a lot and force yourself to make a lot of useless decisions. Then you will know that when you are struggling, stop and look at your situation.
When you start to despair and still can’t cut off the links of relationships, you may end up climbing a little on the ropes.
Having experienced this kind of experience in person, you know that intimacy can actually be so played. You are not afraid of others throwing you down, but you dare to throw others away. Your heart is no longer a baby, you will no longer be a good person.
Yes, maybe you finally understand. All the good people are actually a little baby. Because they are extremely fragile and afraid of being hurt, they feel particularly vulnerable to everyone they meet. They should all be treated as babies.
Therefore, those little babies who always want to be all mothers are those who hurt themselves and hurt others. Because you just want others to take care of your child, but let everyone become children you are caring for, the end result is that we all see that you have only one child.
Perhaps in a relationship that is not mature enough, how much you want others to see their maturity and treat themselves with a mature person, but what you want to be a child is actually a satisfied child. .
Children can sometimes give what they feel good to others like a small adult, but when the child is not satisfied, the original form is revealed. A child can’t give a proper understanding of himself and others, and he can’t get the opportunity for others to properly understand his inner longing.
The truth of the relationship is that you can’t get things from others that you can’t give. For example, you can’t give love, respect, and recognition, and you can’t get the respect and recognition of the other person. When you feel that you want respect and recognition, you actually tell the other person by constantly requesting satisfaction: You see, I am a child and I need to be satisfied. I do not need to be respected and recognized.
And when your heart gradually matures, you may still encounter disrespect and recognition in your relationship, but not only you are eager to save yourself, but you can climb to a comfortable place along the rope of your relationship. At this time, the maturity of your behavior shows that you can really gain respect and recognition from the other side more easily.
For many people who are very fragile inside, they often feel pain and anger because they feel that the other person should satisfy themselves, just like the love and attention that parents once owed you, and you think the other person also owes you, so When the other party does not give it to you, you will feel that the other person is unreasonable.
In fact, in a relationship, you ask the other person what you want, but you never actually gave it to the other person. You just give it to the other person and you think what the other person needs.
In other words, you have never given or obtained, and the relationship is fair. So, he is willing to give extra is his choice, but not necessary.
When you learn to respect your wishes at any time, and you have problems to think about problems instead of pushing them to each other, you will become more free in relationships.
Freedom is the foundation of all love. You can either accept love naturally or give love selectively. You can go back and forth in relationships. This is a modest, more mature and more powerful love.
No matter what kind of relationship you want, the relationship will satisfy you properly. So when you feel wrong in your relationship, you can ask yourself, what do you want to be consistent with what you are craving for?