Understand the four questions and avoid marital breakdown

Marriage is like a river, not always calm. Love, trust and mutual respect between partners are the patron saint of marriage and can keep them for a long time, while some bad habits, such as arrogance and ego, can disturb the peace of the marriage and even lead to “violent storms”. In response, French website “Women” interviewed psychotherapist and author of “the key to a successful Marriage,” Jacob Azeloual, to help people find ways to improve the relationship between husband and wife from four issues, and prevent marriage from breaking down.

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Q: what is the best way to promote a relationship between husband and wife?

A: trust. Trust can help you see through the phenomenon of the nature of the relationship. When your lover comes home late, you say, “Why are you coming home now?” “or” Darling, you’ve worked so hard, and now you’re home. “there is a subtle difference between the two. Trusting will allow your language to show more concern, love and respect than to question, doubt or guess.

Of course, even if you are a good communicator, there may be misunderstanding in the communication between husband and wife, so what is the solution? Only trust. Trust transcends words and deeds. Trust fosters “empathy” of tacit understanding between husband and wife. Both sides can “rejoice in your joy and mourn your sorrow.” with this tacit understanding, the relationship between husband and wife is bound to be strong and lasting.


Q: what is the biggest enemy between husband and wife?

Answer: first, demonize each other. This is one of the worst things that can happen between a husband and wife. In the face of quarrels and disagreements, some people are used to looking at each other through the haha mirror and magnifying their shortcomings infinitely. It’s like being “controlled” by some kind of fixed mind, and your loved ones become “enemies”, too. Therefore, husband and wife should calm, rational communication, the correct view of themselves and each other, do not imprison themselves in silence, do not give themselves and the other side of the room for improvement.

Second, arrogance. A good student makes progress by constantly asking “stupid” questions; saints know to question themselves, admit mistakes, and, when necessary, ask for forgiveness. Seeking compromise and letting go of pride is a wise choice for modest people to try to save lives and families.

Third, only remember “I”, forget “we”. This is the third pitfall in the relationship. When one considers only one’s own needs and neglects the other, one can only get two parallel lines that do not intersect. Self-centeredness and selfishness are the most complete opposites of a healthy relationship between husband and wife. Couples can’t get along without receiving and giving from each other. The ability to love is more important than being loved.


Q: what behaviors are particularly harmful to marriage?

A: first of all, don’t sulk. This is a “negative energy” that can do nothing to help, and can even make marriage worse.

Then there is avoiding negative rhetoric. It’s like educating a child. It’s better to say what you want to do than what you can’t do. For example, when a child eats too fast, he can say “eat slowly” instead of saying, “Don’t eat like a pig!” To my partner, it’s not so much ‘you never give me anything’ as’if you buy me roses, I’ll be happy!’ “positive messages are more receptive and more efficient. Anyway, less blame, more approval. Also, speak gently to your partner about your thoughts and expectations.


Q: I can’t feel it anymore. What should I do?

A: the most important thing is not to fall into despair and think that marriage has reached a dead end. Some couples seem impossible to “rekindle the fire of love,” but after hard work, than at the beginning of the encounter also love. Don’t think that not feeling each other necessarily means the end of the marriage. Charcoal, when it looks like it’s going to go out, can be rekindled with a blow.

The only way to do that is to put your heart into it, and both sides have to make an effort to try to repair the relationship. During this period of time, tolerance and imagination must be demonstrated, while “personal problems” and “marital issues” should not be confused. If, after many attempts, there is no sign of improvement, break up peacefully, amicably and politely, as adults and civilized people do. This way there will be no regrets at the time of separation and a fresh start. Because in order to have a new beginning, we have to be kind to the past. Respect for others means respect for yourself.

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